regrets

what if the winding road i took was the right road all along?

so many forks, so many roads

I regret that a few years ago when I left Stripe, I started a writing practice, it was going really well and gaining momentum, but then I let my fears get the best of me, tore it all down and went down the safe path: I started a crypto company for which I rather easily raised millions. Yeah, that didn’t work. I had a sense of what I wanted to do with my life but I put myself on the deferred life plan; figured I’ll quickly make some bajillions and then get to what I really want to do. It turns out the gurus were right, the deferred life plan does not work.

But I can live with that, because the detour taught me countless life lessons I would’ve had to learn sooner or later. It gave me a lot to ponder when I did eventually take that one way ticket to Bali.

I regret the imperfect trades; times I sold stock simply out of fear and scarcity, when I didn’t need the cash at all. Now that I’m out of poverty mindset, I wish I could buy back at that price. Like many people, I regret not putting all my savings on Nvidia a year ago.

But I can live with this. Now I have enough to feel safe, take risks and experiment, but I’m still motivated to work in the long term. Maybe if I had made all the “right” trades and become a bajillionaire, I wouldn’t be pursuing my dreams the way I am. I could be like my friend N who, having inherited some $100MM+ in cold, hard, cash, is pushing 40 now, still talking about all the things he’d like to do, but stuck, confused, unsure how to move forward. I’m a decade younger than him, and I’ve done everything he talks wistfully about.

I regret every time I allowed the wrong person into my life; friends, dates, coworkers. Then again, I regret being the wrong person myself, so disconnected from myself and my own intuition.

But I know that every wrong person was a stepping stone to me, today, the right person, and I’m so glad I made my way home to her.

I regret getting caught up in the American way of life, forgetting how wonderful it is to be a Pakistani woman. I worked in Silicon Valley and all but gave up my feminine side to fit in with guys who in the end, I don’t even think are that cool. I was used to dimming my light and letting other people define what was cool.

But then when I did reconnect with my true self, I got to start the Glow Up Squad, styling tech founders and having so much fun with it. I now get to bring the best of Pakistani culture to the world. I wouldn’t be able to do this if things had gone any other way.

In the end, I regret nothing at all. I believe in the butterfly effect; that something as simple as the flutter of a butterfly’s wings can cause a hurricane across the world. What if the winding road I took was the right road all along? If I had done anything differently — made the perfect trades and become a billionaire, always lived in complete alignment and authenticity, never started an ill-fitted friendship — I would not be the person I am, living the life I am today. And I quite like it this way.